What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
