you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
