I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry my hands just texted you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
