Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
