That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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