college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
