Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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