I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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