You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
