just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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