I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
