if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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