you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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