Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize