this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
