I love black thongs
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
