I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
