You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
