Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize