So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize