Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
