I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
