I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize