The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
