Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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