its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
