At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
