I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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