I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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