I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize