The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
