Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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