I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
