Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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