i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so much tequila, so little girl.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
