I skipped work to stalk him.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ok first of all what the fuck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
