My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
