Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
