did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
