I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize