I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
