coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
