Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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