I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
