Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
