Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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