I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
