you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
