My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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