Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
