If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sex in a hospital.. check
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
