C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize