I'm drive I can fine osifer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
