I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
