i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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