I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize