You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
