Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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