my phone needs a breathalizer
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
