YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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