very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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