oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
