i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
