we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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