I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
