i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
