Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
