You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
