You can't special order awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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