is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
